Where Did the Magic Go?

Most of us have had the experience of going to a conference or a networking event and meeting people.  Our intentions are good and we head back to work with the goal of developing a long term productive rapport with each of them.  A year later we come across their card and the magic is gone. 

 

The thing about networking and developing relationships is that there are expectations which must be met.  They are not complicated, they do require a little time and commitment, and sometimes they require a little ingenuity.  So where did we go wrong with that year old card that we just found. 

 

Here is a look at how the story could have gone and the rapport would be well established: 

 

Okay, we leave the event say an associational meeting and get to our car where we make notes from the conversation on the back of the card, or somewhere.  We want to remember the important things they told us about them such as kids, other family, fun personal stories and anything else that may be a bridge later on.  We also want to note anything about their needs that we happen across during the conversation.  This should include people on our network who could be of benefit to them in the future.  It may be at this point that we need to decide that this is not someone that fits into our network.  If not we are done, if so we have more to do.

 

We get back to the office and there are a million and one things to do.  Okay, so there are only 10 but that will take at least the rest of our afternoon.  Remember, that many opportunities have short windows and then they are gone.  Making first follow up contact is just one such opportunity.  Take a couple of minutes and follow up.  This can be done by the more modern method, email or the “old school” way by a quick card.  (I personally like the cards because there is such a personal touch in receiving a card.)  Either way we want to tell them how much we enjoyed meeting them; that we would like to keep in touch; and we need to make sure to utilize something of the personal information we noted.

 

Once we have either written the card or the email to follow up many would consider themselves done.  Yet, this is the beginning.  We then add the information into what ever system we have for capturing contact information. (I have used many different systems; the main thing is to have a way to prompt oneself into making contacts with those who we decide should be in our networks.)  We need to make sure that we put all of the information in the system including that funny little story that they told us about their spouse with the snake and their child with the rodeo.  An information we have that important to them: number, age and sex of children; college of attendance, fraternity/sorority and anything else that may be important such as personal interest should be included. 

 

We have them in our system, at this point many people forget about them.  We are going to make sure that we call them or touch base in some way on a regular basis. (I do not advocate setting up a schedule to call someone every 5^th Friday or anything so rigid.  I do think that frequency can be set as once a month, bi monthly, quarterly or some such schedule.)  So we make sure that we contact our new contact on a loosely regular basis.  We can have many reasons to call.  We can invite them to something, to ask them about a piece of information we have seen, to follow up on the last conversation if we have promised to do so or possibly just to catch up with them. 

 

So now we have a plan in place and the relationship is on cruise control.  At this point a relationship has started and there are grounds for building a true rapport but thus far it has not really been establish.  If this type of contact is continued for the next five years there may still be a grounds for a solid relationship or it may well dwindle to based on their expectation that every once in a while they will hear from us.  Now we are going to deepen and strengthen the bonds by doing what comes naturally.  We are going to be our normal caring self.  When we see things of interest to our contact, we are going to send them the information.  When a news story about their company’s success comes up, we will congratulate them.  When that job opportunity comes across our desk that may mean nothing to us but is perfect for them we will make sure they have it.   When we know someone who they need to know we will introduce them.  And we will remember that it is not about keeping score or looking for payback. 

 

Now pull that same card out of the drawer a year later and there is a rapport.  The magic is there and growing in a way that can be mutually beneficial. 

 

While this seems like a very systematic approach to a non systematic art, it should be understood that there is less system and more description of what I have found to be a reasonable way of doing things.  There really is no right or wrong method just as long as contact is being made and as long as personal bonds are being developed.  When building relationships in our network, there is a need to fill the person’s “bank account”.  Keeping score, expecting to get back more than you receive or only doing things simply to be able to reap rewards is the wrong approach.

The 7 Deadly Sins of Working a Room

Years ago when I first started going to events and conferences as part of my professional life I quickly figured out that I really enjoyed meeting new people and learning a few things about them.  For me it was the beginning of a love affair that was a long time in the making and has been a much enjoyed ever since.  One of the things that I quickly noticed is that an observant person could look around and see that there are four types of people at the events: those who enjoy it and are good at it, those who enjoy it but are not so good at it, those who do not enjoy it but do it well, and those who do not enjoy it and do not do it well. 

 I knew right away that I enjoyed it, so I wanted to make sure that I would grow to be one of those people who does it well.  Some times it is easier to see the things that do not work or work poorly than to be able to at face value understand what causes those who are successful to succeed.  So I started to make a study of those things not to do and the 7 Deadly Sins of Working a Room.

1)       Trying to do too much - I have been to many different events and function where there is always someone making the circuit around the room as fast as they can from conversation group to conversation group.  We have all heard some one referred to as a social butterfly, but these are the social hummingbirds.  They are dodging in and out never settling in any one conversation long enough to do more than just get noticed.  We all have goals and aims of growing our network, but nothing is gained by hit and run networking.

2)      Looking around during a conversation - I think we have all had this experience with our kids or a young person in our life.  Most of the time when it happens we know that we are not be listened too.  The same holds true when we do it at a social event or conference.  If we are looking around the room trying to find the next person we are going to talk to when we should be involved in a conversation how will we be perceived.  I believe that when we are gazing around for our next conversation, we are seen as just as rude and uncaring.

3)     Not having cards - For those who have read anything I have ever written, it is obvious that this is one of those things which I believe is always a serious error no matter where we find ourselves.  A friend of mine who has for years has used the joke that he gets paid a quarter for every card he gives away and that is how he earns his living.  Well, I am sure at times some feel that they are paid that little, but the reality of it is that giving away our cards does pay.  Having when needed is a critical part of developing a network.  These should be kept clean, handy and separate from those that have been collected from others.

4)      Clinging to those you know It is only natural to want to be around those people with whom we are comfortable.  Often if we look around the room, we will find groups from a company or those who are on the board of the sponsoring organization standing in a corner talking.  This may be okay for a very short minute, if the subject has to do with strategy for working the room.  Otherwise, it is time to break away and meet new people.  Additionally, there are those people who need our help, they need someone to talk to them and they may be too shy to come find us.      

5)      Spending to much time with one person - Once a conversation is going well it becomes very easy and comfortable stagnate there and never move on.  Most of the people at different functions and conferences understand that we must make the most of our opportunities to meet new people. That said conversations should be limited to a reasonable time.  If we spend the whole 30 minutes of available networking time talking with one person, we have probably done ourselves and them a great disservice.  It can be difficult to break way from a conversation.  If this is a problem, help the other person out by introducing them to someone else you think they may want to know, then momentarily bow out of the conversation.

6)      Becoming too much the “life” of the party - Most of us think it would be beneficial to be the life of the party.  We all like to enjoy ourselves and to do so in the company of others is a good way to build rapport.  But much like everything moderation is the best policy.  If we allow ourselves to enjoy it too much, when drinking is involved, we can easily become an embarrassment to ourselves, those around us and our companies.   

7)      Interrupting others   For the most part common curteousy has been forgotten and often it is the norm for people to interrupt each other as they try to have a conversation.  There are three problems with this approach.  First it is rude and in doing so may be seen as undesirable to be around.  Secondly as our first grade teachers told us, if we are talking we cannot be listening. Finally, if we interrupt as some one is trying to say something, it is possible that our reply may not fit in with what they are saying. 

 By avoiding these seven mistakes, we are not guaranteed to be good at working a room.  It is certain that if we commit these 7 Deadly Sins, we will most certainly not be successful.